All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

Issues addressed: Suicide, mental illnesses (specifically bipolar disorder and depression), bullying.

“The fact is, I was sick, but not in an easily explained flu kind of way. It’s my experience that people are a lot more sympathetic if they can see you hurting, and for the millionth time in my life I wish for measles or smallpox or some other recognisable disease just to make it simple for me and also for them.”- Theodore Finch.

I have read this book many, many times, but for a particular reason, I only just understood the painful depths of this story, the truth behind the words Niven had written so flawlessly. Theodore Finch was a free spirit, born to an abusive father and mother that couldn’t find it in herself to care for her children. He was a candle flame snuffed out by the cruelty of those that surrounded him. Throughout the novel, Finch refers to himself as being “awake” and wanting to stay that way, to “not go back to sleep” for he fears he might never wake up again. Of course, Jennifer Niven didn’t mean this in the literal sense, however, she does hauntingly (and accurately) describe what people with bipolar disorder feel like when they’re hyperactive and when they’re depressed in just two words: “awake” and “asleep”. How amazing is that? In two words, I finally understand what it must be like to be bipolar. In two words, I’m slipping into Theodore’s skin, I’m clawing my way out of the hole his mind has dug for him, I’m itching for someone to see he needs help… but nobody did.

Niven addresses many causes with regards to why people’s mental health might deplete. Firstly, there’s home life. Theodore was abused, (by his own father no less), received no real affection from his mother, a woman who was supposed to unconditionally supply him with love and warmth and joy, and was bullied. Relentlessly. Mocked and ridiculed, all for what? Because he was different. Because he saw the world in a light his schoolmates couldn’t even begin to fathom. All these factors pushed Finch into a neat little box inside his mind, made him constantly think of different ways he could kill himself until he finally did. As if that wasn’t enough heartache, Niven also sheds some light on schools and their regards for counsellors and mental health. Like Finch said, they’re only sympathetic to illnesses they can see.

It’s a personal preference of mine to relate what I read to what I experience, and this hit too close to home. Mental health is squeezed into a narrow range of stress and anxiety (especially by secondary educational institutions) when it’s so much more complex than that. As someone who hasn’t had defining brushes with mental health, it shatters me to imagine that some people have to enfold themselves around their burdens like a gift wrapper around a gift. They have to walk and talk and smile like they aren’t carrying the world on their shoulders. What’s shocking is that nobody can see, nobody knows what they’re encasing in that neat little box. They’ve been ignored for so long that they just know how to keep their pain hidden and out of sight.

If that doesn’t break your heart, I don’t know what will.

What I loved the most about this book was how Niven showed us the two ways you could save someone drowning in themselves through characters Violet and Finch. Violet, surrounded by loving parents, friends who looked out for her, and Theodore, who helped her climb the wall of fears she encased herself in after her sister died in a car accident. She slowly clawed her way out of that darkness Finch could only bathe in because people around her cared. Because of kindness, the light that shines through blinding darkness, the hand that reaches out to you when you’re drowning.

It’s extremely daunting and scary being in Theodore’s mind. As a reader, connecting with Theodore and feeling his pain had to be by far the most beautiful misfortune I’ve had the pleasure of reading. We get a peek into the mind of a person with bipolar disorder, we see, we feel his highs slowly fall down this endless spiral until he wants nothing but his life to end. I remember reading the novel and feeling myself convulse, shaking at the reality of this because people are out there living exactly like Finch. People out in this world are suffering and many of us remain undisturbed, unknowing to their inner turmoil because we refuse to look, to listen. Reading All the Bright Places has awoken me to the world around me. I am more careful of what I say to people, I worry that the people surrounding me feel like they’re drowning, drowning in the depths of their mind and believe nobody can help them.

I learn from books. I learnt from this book. I hope you will too.

Every word counts. Every action counts.

Please leave your comments and ideas below! What did you learn from this book?